search me o God, and know my heart. know my anxious thoughts

letting go.

2011-02-01T22:34:00.003+02:00

she never thought learning to fly would be so easy in the end.

"have your way.
have your way"
she whispered
and felt the wind carry her.

the more she tasted the words
and felt them in her mouth,
the more free she felt.

felt them shaping her life,
becoming flesh in her.

and she embraced this exciting journey
to the centre of The Will.

a reminder.

2011-01-24T23:32:00.005+02:00

"so, come in"
were the words that interrupted the noise of frustration
that was echoing around and in her.

"it is my task to finish the work I have started.
not yours"

still fighting, she moved closer,
to hear better and let the words
wash over her need to fight.

"come down from your judgement seat
and take the place I have made for you.
It is only I, who can mature your soul.
Do not despise that, which is immature
and unfinished in yourself.
It is with compassion that I look in to you,
and a place of compassion where I meet you."

something in his words, and his way of proclaiming it
over her broke the shame.
She felt warmed, freed and nourished
by these words of truth.

first lines.

2010-12-19T00:35:00.006+02:00

"it is time to move on", he stepped in.

"trusting is far from knowing, my child" he continued
with wrinkles of laughter in his eyes.

she felt drawn to nod, as to signal that
the statement had been received and understood.
though in truth, the nod felt like lying,
as she knew,
she had barely began to see the weight of the words.

with a gaze, the remission and confirmation came again,
washed over her.

with a mere look he revealed
the uncertainties, fears, frustrations, pride
and drew them to the surface,
made it possible to be clean.
with a mere look he entered in,
made it possible for the trusting to begin.

entering

2010-03-01T22:33:00.002+02:00

after the first steps over the threshold
there was a long silence.

a new page, with nothing written on it.

it made her to think that maybe she had made a mistake.
maybe this was the wrong corridor,
or maybe,
even a more comforting, safe thought,
she was not supposed to take the step after all.
not so deep anyways.

but then,
she remembered the whisper, the invitation she had heard so many times.

wait.
time is a great refiner.
wait.
with time Ill draw you in.
wait.
I have made all things beautiful in their time.

so she decided to risk.
to wait. and trust.

a promise

2008-06-23T21:44:00.001+03:00

A new generation I am forming.
It is in its making,
and all things I will do well.

I am the Creator, the Maker of all,
and I myself blew the spirit to the first man ever in the garden of Eden.

And I will restore the intimacy I had with him.
For I have given it to you,
through the blood of my son,
I have given it to you.

So come to me my child, I will satisfy all your longings.

And my child, I wait for the day,
as all the creation sighs,
so sigh I.
To meet you face to face,
to place my bride in front of the throne.
And look, that is my goal.
In all, my purposes work for the good of those I love and who love me.

And this generation will follow me.
It does not care for the signs and wonders that will follow them,
for the only thing that they carry,
is my glory.
The only place they breathe their air,
is the relationship.
For I and my Father are one and so have I called my disciples to be one as well.
One with me, One with my Father and one in mind and heart.

prayer

2008-05-12T19:12:00.002+03:00

Father,
again I face a lack of words.
so take these sighs and heaviness of heart
and make them in to something only you can use.

Wont you please teach my heart how to love.
I dont need empty words
or whispers of wishing all well

Father,
I need the kind that always hopes,
suffers all and has faith in all.

Jesus, if only you could confirm me.
Though I know,
otherwise they wouldnt be called
steps of faith.

writers block

2008-02-15T14:06:00.002+02:00

its been a long time.
and its stupid how the break makes it harder to write anything.
share anything.

but here I am.

Im on my jobless, homeless wanderings.
Ive been to turku, helsinki and tampere.
seeing friends, praying, getting to know people,
having fun.

all the alternatives for the future seem exciting, and
Im just trying to settle my heart and be able to hear,
what am I supposed to do.

all the doors are possible.
Im glad, I know a man who is willing to be in control of the doors in my life.
so I guess this is time of waiting.

my days of exile are gone soon, Ive heard.
may the old be gone, may the new spring.

we have not yet come full circle.

2007-12-28T14:27:00.000+02:00

Im still in the corridor.

no longer a student by the way,
but a bachelor of social services.
I need to pay the full price on traveling with train.

and seriously,
no idea where my life is going.

exciting.

tarifa

2007-10-23T21:09:00.000+03:00

Ive stood there where the seas share a border.
have my feet washed with the same salty water as those who walk on the shores of africa.

in a hurry

2007-10-22T22:31:00.000+03:00

my journey continues, more about that later.

Im alive, survived in the traffic of sevilla and cadiz.
Ive spent the weekend with people who are willing to
pay 300 euros for a notebook for a good cause.
I love Gods kingdom.

saying the words

2007-08-18T03:12:00.000+03:00

He was saying it again;
"do not be afraid.
I myself will make a way. and you will see.
I will set this invitation to many in this generation.
come, my spirit says,
come and join me in my sufferings.
my spirit will show you the way.
come and join me in my meakness,
come and join me in my weakness,
come and carry the cross.
this is how I will make a way.
come and let go. follow me and I will make a way.
remember I have chosen that which is foolish"

and she felt that was right.
this was the right place to be,
these were the right words to hear.
here was life.
and without really thinking about it,
she heard her heart whispering;

teach me to be foolish.
to be uncool
rejected
ignored
teach me to be wretched.
heal me of my wound of rejection so that I could face rejection for your sake. hiding in you, knowing where I stand in your will.
heal me of my fear of men, so that I could have an undivide heart and fear you only.
heal me of my pride, so that I could boast of nothing else than your cross
and heal me of my strength so that I could put on weakness and leave all to you.

in between

2007-07-28T01:03:00.000+03:00

"Im sick and tired of words that don’t mean anything." She said to him.
He nodded. And saw.
Then he smiled.
And out of his mouth came one tiny word, that pierced her right through.
"Come" he said.

And she wanted to. More than anything.

It was funny how this man said so much with one word.
It was almost, as if he was the word.
"Come" was what her ears heard,
but what really made her heart pound was the meaning of it all,
the words clinging to this simple invitation.
"Come, join. Die, live. Suffer and rejoice. Give up and gain. Let go.
Love. Not as you measure, but as I."
So it was quite clear,
Entering the new chapter would include death.
Though looking at the mans smile,
she knew that not going would mean a much more dreadful death.
So yes, she did want to.

would I dare to turn the page?

2007-07-24T00:07:00.000+03:00

She was at the end of the chapter.
Though it took a while to realize it.
She kept re-reading the last sentences, but not because she couldn’t understand them,
nor were they the kind of beautiful sentences one needs to read again,
but she was reading them to linger.
And then, as she came across to the empty page after those last words, it struck her.
The girl was definitely at the end of her chapter. And the thought disturbed her.

Then there was the man. He did indeed look quite young, but he had the hands of an old man.
You know, the kind of from which you see that they have worked. Gotten dirty.
They had been talking about the previous chapter for quite a lot. And still she didn’t quite know what to make of the man. Wise he was, that was for sure. Many times she had trouble to understand the things he was saying. But still, she was glad to hear him speak.
But now, awakening to the fact that the chapter was out, she found herself lacking of hearing.
Or was it lacking of listening? She didn’t quite know.

And she found herself in between.
Totally finished with her chapter.
Terrified to step in to the next.
She knew that there was nothing anymore for her in the previous pages.
But the coming pages, boy. It was a contradiction. One the other hand she so knew what was ahead, on the other the words and their meanings were in hiding.
But she didn’t want to stay there. Didn’t want to stay in this passive vacuum, lingering with the words she already knew. But the step just seemed so big. Like stepping on to something that you aren’t really sure is there.

And its not that the man was totally silent. He was waiting.
He didn’t actually have to say anything. Not out loud. Cause she heard the things anyway.
He was inviting, but not persuading. And that was the worst kind of inviting.
Cause there were no spoken words, nothing to argue about.
Nothing where she could answer with the greatest excuse.
Yes, he was definitely inviting her

views from my dear betlehem

2007-07-22T12:52:00.001+03:00

2007-07-22T12:51:00.002+03:00

2007-07-22T12:51:00.001+03:00

2007-07-22T12:50:00.002+03:00

2007-07-22T12:50:00.001+03:00

2007-07-22T12:49:00.000+03:00

2007-07-22T12:48:00.000+03:00

2007-07-22T12:46:00.000+03:00

one of my worst fears just came true

2007-07-13T11:40:00.000+03:00

birds indoor are one of the worst things I know.

a couple of days ago a friend told me about a meeting she had with a little bird.
the bird didnt seem to be afraid of my friend at all. it just stood in her way.
and as my friend said to it: could you please move from my way, it actually did.
I wonder if we are originally created to somehow communicate with the creation as well.
who was it, st francis of assis who preached to animals?

well, anyways, I had quite an opposite encounter with a bird today.
I was sitting inside, the back door open.
and all of a sudden a small bird flew in, slapped against my back and started
to fly around my mums living room.
birds indoor are one of the worst things I know.
so I kind of panicked.
after few moments of being at the edge of hystery I opened the front door
and the guest flew out by itself.
afterwards I started to think, how in my panic I didnt even consider
asking the bird to just fly away :) who knows, maybe it would have done so.
anyways I was quite disappointed to myself
cause I acted totally from the state of being afraid of the bird.
How often that happens in situations.

I read the message few days ago, a psalm says
When all hell breaks loose,
Im collected and cool.

learning to more than survive

2007-07-01T00:14:00.000+03:00

yes, this is a different kind of summer.
I dont know when would be the last time Ive felt so helpless.
but Ive realized that there is nothing like summer in finland.
rowing a boat by the lake, being still.

one day I was reading, and found these words from one wise man
(this is my own translation from the finnish verses. from james)

know that each of you should be sensitive to hear, but slow to speak and slow to anger,
for mans anger doesnt lead to the kind of justice God wants.

there is a lot said in it and it stirred alot in me, but one of the things was
that could here be something I could use at my work as well.

So I feel helpless.
wondering what is authority.
cause I know it has nothing to do with the volume of my voice.
how can I meet these people.
their hurts.

and you know, what Jesus answers everytime I ask him.

"love"

and I panic, how? how do I love them?

and he says
"love"

George said well once when we were in israel.
how we really shouldnt take things personal.
cause if its Jesus living in me, not me living,
how could I even take it personal?

so, when they yell, wish me to hell, and are rude,
I love.
and you can imagine how clueless I am in it.

but Im trusting that the clueless shall be blessed,
for they dont need to lean on their own understanding.

killing my time cause working whole night

2007-06-30T23:30:00.001+03:00

I did a test on whats my world view, heres the results.

You scored as a Cultural Creative 63%
Cultural Creatives are probably the newest group to enter this realm. You are a modern thinker who tends to shy away from organized religion but still feels as if there is something greater than ourselves. You are very spiritual, even if you are not religious. Life has a meaning outside of the rational.
(though I had the same per cent in fundamentalist, should I be worried about that :))

go on, test yourself
http://quizfarm.com/test.php?q_id=23320

Im doing fine

2007-06-26T15:50:00.000+03:00

havent go time to write much.
so heres just a few lines to tell you
that Im doing fine.

a teenager made me cry

2007-06-14T18:02:00.000+03:00

Ive found out there is always more to Gods love.
I guess he is drawing me to a place where I can be
more loved and more accepted than ever before.

and Im seeing he is doing it through a teenager
who doesnt seem to love me or to accept me.

Im spending my summer working with young people
who have been taken in to custody.
spending time with them, learning to adapt to the role of an adult
and being the victim when something of their wounds spill over
is an interesting challenge.
I have come face to face with my own past and own wounds.
Jesus is dealing with my wound of rejection and fear of men
deeper than ever before.

Its not easy or pleasent I can assure you, but its welcomed anyways.
I long to be free! I so long to be free.

a whisper

2007-06-13T19:38:00.001+03:00

I need you to stay strong, stay firm.
As if seeing the invisible
I invite you to this present day anguish
so that something beautiful and true
can be born.
I myself will make my word stand.
Look to me, stay strong, take courage.

last night had troubles taming the sleep

2007-05-22T18:36:00.000+03:00

so I started thinking.

the cold floors after the shower,
the nights when we run to the other side of the road without shoes to see a movie,
how paul burned a black mark on the carpet with the kettle,
the feeling of shame after realizing how naive we were,
the roofs of the old city,
ruut driving her car,
listening to backstreet boys on our way away from poryya,
the awful cockroach in the bath tub,
the fact how much and how often we laughed ourselves exhausted,
and how we were so irritated without really knowing why.
the feeling when you know you are really holding the life you should.
israel, how good it was to be there, then.

and yes, how good to be here, now.
(but oh how blessed to own a yet one more home,
the one besides mediterranean)

its precious that sometimes God opens ones eyes to the easyness
of guidance and his kingdom.

to have and to hold

2007-05-19T14:51:00.000+03:00

yes, I know.
who am I to question you
I am the clay to whom
you owe no explanations.
yes, even in the mutiny of my heart
only your will fills.

keep me believing.

just asking

2007-05-09T15:21:00.000+03:00

what if Jesus would actually ask me to love someone who is totally inapproriate

like to really love

a criminal
a druggie
to lay my life down?

for a bad smelling homeless
for an evil dictator

to abandon my reputation
for a muslim, hindoo,
a newager?

instead of my friends to invite to a party
the poor, wretched and unknown.

how far he could ask me to go
and how far would I follow?

here I go again

2007-04-25T14:22:00.000+03:00

I thought I wouldnt be travelling.
officially Im not I guess.

but yes,
on friday Im off to spain.
five days in madrid.

and after one month
five days in london.

but its been good,
my restless heart has been still.
I like finland.

and I just love my practical training
at the centre for asylum seekers.
I love it.

hanging by the word

2007-04-14T19:40:00.000+03:00

it is quite amazing,
all created by word,
all being held together with word,
word becoming flesh.

I asked that Father
would give me such a faith
that with one word
He would keep me believing.

And amazingly,
He seems to be doing so.

There is faith arising.

And you know,
there is something sacred in waiting.

saying
I trust.
Im not going my own ways.
I am not in control.

I wait,
I trust.
I have faith.

is it really so dad?

2007-04-04T00:02:00.000+03:00

I think I am starting to realize that there is a fine line between being out of your mind and having faith.

kinda hanging on this one at the moment

2007-03-31T23:14:00.001+03:00

But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has?
romans 8:24

still alive

2007-03-27T00:50:00.000+03:00

after such a long pause of blogging its really hard to start.
just dropped in to say Im alive.

not much chances to use the internet.
Im doing my practical training in a reception office
for asylum seekers. needless to say I like it a lot.
dont like the laws and regulations and stuff conserning it that much.

im processing a lot, asking questions
and thinking through if I can really trust what Im hearing
Jesus saying and what to do with it all.
trying to live day by day.

really hoping that with spring some new freshness would rise with Jesus as well.

some verses from our week

2007-03-04T11:28:00.000+02:00

But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. James 3:17

for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth. ephesians 5:9

The fruit of righteousness will be peace;
the effect of righteousness will be quietness and confidence forever. isaiah 32:17

sow for yourselves righteousness,
reap the fruit of unfailing love,
and break up your unplowed ground;
for it is time to seek the LORD,
until he comes
and showers righteousness on you. hosea 10:12

Love rejoices with the truth. 1.corinthians 13:6

letters to a young poet

2007-03-02T09:54:00.000+02:00

be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart
and try to love the questions themselves
like locked rooms
and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue

do not seek the answers which cannot be given to you
because you would not be able to live them

and the point is to live everything
live the questions
now

(rainer maria rilke)

eager expectation

2007-03-01T12:44:00.000+02:00

welcome to the mosque

2007-02-26T11:51:00.000+02:00

so a week ago I attended some prayergatheringkindofathing.
it was held in a place where there is a mosque right next door.

at the last hours of the meeting the fire alarm went on.
in the whole big building.
the people said that it sometimes goes on cause the kids play in the mosque.

so I thought that if its from the mosque it has to be that the muslims
are out of the mosque wich would mean they are outside the mosque
and also right outside the place we were staying.

so I went out to explore a bit and yes- the yard was filled with muslims.
I started to talk with one of them, had an interesting talk about
the fact how I dont see myself as anything (lutheran, orthodox whatever)
and how God cant be put in to a box.
well, it was rather cold and I asked if I could some day come to the mosque
to continue the talks. and it was ok.

so me and milka went there on saturday.
I was kind of hoping I could meet some women and children there,
but we ended up in a room with three muslim men
who wanted to talk about our faiths.
and no problem, I actually enjoyed it,
havent done it after london. though I really wont slip in to a any kind of debate.

and in the end they said that there are some finnish converts, women,
and we were very excited to meet her!
so we are going there again next sunday to meet with the ladies.

God is so faithful, I dont know what will come from this,
but Ive prayed that Id get the chance to hang out in some mosques
and get to know the people there.
come on Jesus!

kingdom university

2007-02-24T10:51:00.000+02:00

I got a text message from my friend the other day,
she sent me message (with a twinkle in her eye, you know :))
that she has started studies in a new university.
her lectures for the day were learning obedience and patience.
she asked me to join the courses.

I thought about it, and the courses I could do.
getting rid of fear of men for example,
but texted her back that I need to talk with the principle still.

well, it seemed that its enough to sigh a little
enthuasiastic pray towards the university,
and they approve that. no application needed.

so there I was, in the trainstation and had
some challenging moments as I realized it was Jesus
inviting me to keep my gaze on him and trust that he can provide.

and the next day I started new lectures.
of humility.
and you know, its so much harder to be humble towards
the things you hear you mum point out.
(hard enough from friends and other people, but your own mum :))
but well, we were talking about my coming visit to a mosque here in finland
(oh yeah, I havent told you about that yet)
and she said some things and I tried to stand up
and ended up feeling really bad and we prayed and everything was ok,
but then Jesus still preached me about some issues conserning my attitude
and spirit in which I was going to the mosque.
so it was refreshing to notice again, that humbling yourself and prayer- they really do work.

now we are in the middle of studies conserning the fruit of the spirit.
in our flat we wake up in the morning and pray and ask Jesus to produce
fruit in our lives. ask him, how we could live out love and joy etc out in our coming day.

welcome to the new age

2007-02-12T11:52:00.000+02:00

In finland as well as all over the world I guess
people are really interested in spirtual things.
and many times other sources seem to be more
spiritual than what we christians live out.

so this weekend there was this exhibition in espoo,
where a bunch of new agers came together
to explore different kind of psychics, tarot cards,
just you name it-everything.

milka, tytti and me went there as well.
we know this pastor in finland who does
some interfaith dialogues stuff and he knows
a lady who has become a believer from those
new age backrounds. the lady still goes
to the exhibition, offering free prayer for people.

so we went there to pray for people and to explore
the spiritual athmosphere, to get a new experience
and to see if Jesus wants to do something.

and Im quite sure he wants.
it would be kind of cool to see
us christians reaching out to these
people who yearn for spirituality.

we talked with some people and prayed for some.
the athmospehere was confusing,
but Im up for some confusion.
Its good to learn to discern and live
with different kinds of things happening
and going on around me.

love is a real good reason to learn

2007-02-05T10:11:00.000+02:00

I had a nice weekend.
different.

friday me and milka took our opportunity
to help someone out. a young boy who was a bit lost.
ended up waiting for one hour outside for his ex girlfriend to come and pick him up.

saturday I met many new and lovely friends as a bunch
of girls came together to talk about the coming 247finnish gathering.
also went to listen to arabvision songcontests.

sunday met niina, which was really nice and
took couple of steps back to ask one lady if I could help her.
I tried, but it didnt quite work out.
but at least I tried.
I turned when I felt I should and asked.

Ive been pondering about this holy living.
what is it to live a holy life?

the message says:
as obedient children let yourselves be pulled in to a way of life
shaped by Gods life, life energetic and blazing with holiness.

we were talking with tytti one day, how often people
misunderstand that serene things are holy,
you know, no laughing in church and stuff.
that not doing something makes one holy,
IM NOT drinking alcohol, Im way holy.

one of the words that really blesses me in that message translation
is the word energetic. the idea of being active.
and connecting holiness with activity.

and then comes the question; what is activity?
is mere doing the same as being active?
we talked about this with milka, about how
it can be that someone is "active in church"
without really being there, you know?

doing rises from being,
and being active is not just doing.
challenge indeed!

fear is a real crappy excuse

2007-01-30T12:35:00.000+02:00

the Bible usually knows it,
have to admit it again.

like iron sharpens iron,
so a person does to another person.

I learned again, I dont know how to love.
but how merciful it is, to hear it
from someone who I know will stick with me.

have you ever thought that when revelation
lists people who arent going to be in heaven,
the list starts with cowards?
maybe this is more serious than I thought.

Im really wanting to leave my comfort zone,
really.
and I really really
dont want this being afraid thing to stop me.

something like this

2007-01-29T12:41:00.000+02:00

you know my heart,
I do want to.

though I sometimes loose it,
and its heavy,
this cross of mine.
I do want to

cause
who wants a reduced jesus anyway
nice words on a piece of paper
and good morals?

come follow me
you extend your hand
and you know I want to

not the icon
not the nice one
not the reduced
but real.

real love,
real power,
real miracles,
real sacrifices,
real life,
real sufferings
and real dying.

want to have it all.
welcome narrow path.

we have a home

2007-01-04T21:57:00.000+02:00

my six months as a homeless person are over.
tomorrow we are going to sign a contract
and then me, milka and tytti are with a home again.

the funny thing is, that the flat is actually just across the street
from the flat we used to live. hooray!

here´s the season to be jolly

2007-01-02T21:40:00.000+02:00

newyearswentby.

we just were,
a bunch of girls at my mums,
praying, putting things down on the altar,
playing, laughing, having communion, just hanging.

and it was wonderful,
praying with a group
I felt my heart alive
and the freedom and space
that can only be found in Jesus.

and as I laid down things from my life
I suddenly realized the meaning of how
I can give rejoicing.
its not that Im grinning my teeth,
giving away all cool things from my life to Jesus,
but that Im actually in great need of help
conserning my relationships, schedules,
everything, and I was there to confess that
I need help, wanting to give it all out
to God, saying I have hope and faith
that Jesus can actually change things.

may this be a different kind of year.

glimpses

2006-12-21T11:50:00.000+02:00

tel aviv

2006-12-21T11:44:00.000+02:00

the wall

2006-12-21T11:23:00.000+02:00

from the old cities

2006-12-21T11:17:00.000+02:00

times

2006-12-15T18:35:00.000+02:00

yes, there is a time for everything.
time to embrace and time to be apart
time to stay and time to go.

a time to wait.

Im thinking that Im in this time of waiting.
and also that Im in the right time.

time for me to be in finland.
I can feel it.
though I miss people and places,
but I know I need to be here now.

I have written to the marginal
of my Bible "time is a great refiner"
in the first letter of peter,
where it speaks about how
gold is refined, and so is our faith.
its funny how many times one
thinks that refiners have to be
something really hard and rough
(and well, many times they are)
but it took some time for me to
realize, that many times the
refiner in my life is just being still.
time.
waiting.
knowing that he is God.

david gave me a stone when I left israel.
such a prophetic stone it was :)
a small, smooth one.
and in his letter david wrote;
this stone is a stone I found in the south, Eilat.
it was, scientifics say, formed slowly.
because of the time it became a very firm and hard stone,
prepared for everything.
this is my methaphore of you.

jerusalem, my home

2006-12-10T01:21:00.000+02:00

im flying tomorrow.

things Ill miss, to name a few,

the way nabil says shekel,
prayercall,
citylights by dark,
betlehem,
oren repeating tyttis name,
the men complementing in a nice way,
the dome of the rock,
the wall,
ruhama singing,
samirs stupid songs,
humus,
the old city,
getting lost,
ruut driving a car,
pauls jokes,
knowing where everything is in the kitchen,
the damascus gate,
sitting in munirs shop,
passing the checkpoint,
the men from our shop,
georges gentleness and humour,
david ross and her little sister,
the girls,
going on walks,
the bazaars,
losha doing pantomime,
arab music coming out of open windows,
david speaking with russian accent,
arabs and their coffee.

thankful mind and a heavy heart

2006-12-06T22:48:00.000+02:00

we went to betlehem today.
did something illegal.
well, I dont know really.
just gave out christmas presents.
gospels of luke on tapes.
we liked it.

tomorrow is the last betlehemday.

today we had a farewell party by the youth.
it was amazing.
I think the nicest thing that has ever been done to me.
we had like an independenceday party at the same time.

they rolled the red carpet for me and tytti.
gave speeches, blessings upon blessings.

it is sad to leave these people and it gives me a heavy heart,
but still I know its time for finland now.

hall of names

2006-12-05T13:13:00.000+02:00

we went to the holocaust museum today.

seeing the photos, hearing the stories
and shedding my tears I realized I wasnt
so much weeping for the losses,
but for the human soul.
for it being able to do such things.

and for the realization that it could be me,
raising my hand.

I can just humbly ask,
father, let me be one of the righteous among the nations.

as I was looking at the thousands of maps
with names of the victims
in the hall of names
again I had to admit:
who am I?
father, you are good and your love endures.
in the end you hold the scales of justice.

you know when sometimes its just hard to breathe?

2006-12-02T18:09:00.000+02:00

we said bye to george today.
I guess this is a week of goodbyes.
though I wont settle for goodbyes, of course Im going to see these people still.

he took us to the doctors,
I got antibiotics.

"Im just having one last look"
he said,
looking at us two poor crying girls at the doctors office.

and then he went.

you know, its funny how the heart
easily recognises and gets attached to a brother.

brief

2006-11-30T10:05:00.000+02:00

Im well,
not had time to write.
time is running, only one and a half week here.

the thought of going to finland is nice,
but the thought of leaving isnt.
well, all in good time.

we were in ramallah,
liked it.
and faced again many layers.

its christmas soon.

a taxi driver

2006-11-24T14:10:00.000+02:00

yesterday had a day in tel aviv.
coming home from the bus station with a taxi.

I was lingering between being annoyed and amused
as he inquered our need for a boyfriend,
cause finnish girls are so nice.

after I told him just to drive his taxi
and a moment of silence
he sighed.

when asked if he is tired the response came:
Im always tired.
it is like this here.

and for a moment I could see somewhere deeper,
feeling my heart to swell with compassion.
oh how these people are loved.

introducing a friend

2006-11-18T10:38:00.000+02:00

I was taking a walk the other night.
as I walked pass these dark parks and corners
I realized I wasnt alone.

this creepy feeling accompanied me.

so there we were walking, me and my fear.

today I read the newspaper.
an israeli reporter had been to gaza,
interviewing a hamas leader.
and the leader told, how proud he is
for being able to create an athmosphere
of fear. that there might not be a lot
they can do at the moment, but
this is what they can do and its working.

so I noticed that this friend of mine is actually
quite famous. but he is not often liked.

negative things rule too much in this world.

what if I would really take it seriously when Jesus
says I dont need to be afraid?
what if I would turn these things in to friends,
allow them to minister to me and tell me where
I need to grow, what I need to learn,
but wouldnt allow them to take the best of me?

what if I could kind of embrace even fear, suffering
and bad feelings in depth in Jesus, without just
excluding them in an unrealistic way, trying
to make everything look good outside.

could it be that this would free me to love more?
to feel more?
to live more?

you press?

2006-11-16T21:01:00.000+02:00

there is no way I can describe this day with words
but I still want to tell you about it.

we had kind of a free day, so we decided to hed to betlehem.
we saw from this leaflet that there is an young adults meeting
in one church, and cause we have been wanting to meet believers
our own age for a long time we decided to go and check it.

so we went a bit earlier, just to wander around betlehem streets,
to take photos and see places. we were walking, without any idea where we were,
when I suddenly realized we are opposite of the refugee camp area,
where I went with paul the other day.

there were some girls outside, and they invited us to talk with them,
so we decided to go. after curious questions about our names, the
kids took our hands and started to take us in to their home
your welcome, your welcome.
the finnishness in us said: are we?
the curiosity and longing for adventures said: we so are!

so in we went.
up three floors, laundry hanging and drying there at the straircases.
and this small girl proudly presented us to her mum, while her dad was sleeping on the sofa.

and all of a sudden, the room was filled with people.
young girls and boys, women and men.
about 15 people staring at us and our cameras.
taking photos, offering coffee,
asking with broken english:
you sisters? you press?
you study? you betlehem?

one of the older boys prodly announced that he breakdances,
so off we went to the roof, where he showed his moves as the kids cheered
and parents clapped their hands.
we were just amazed.
of the breakdance, of the attention,
of the hospitality, of the beauty of these people.

starting to get even a bit worried about the amount of the attention
we decided to continue our way.
I just so pray, that its Jesus that could be seen from me,
not only my western looks.
Im still kind of figuring out if its a blessing or a burden,
the fact that I can never be one of these people.

and then the evening with the young adults.
goodness.
I love how these people joke around, are loud and loving.

and Jesus was so nice that he even arranged a ride for us
from the checkpoint to jaffagate (the buses stop going around eight)
there was this israeli man, who took us in to his car.

now Im sitting here, not quite sure how to cope with all these wonderful, new experiences.
I love this.

catched this from another blog, lets make the good things go around

2006-11-14T12:27:00.000+02:00

The first five persons to comment on this post will get something home-made from me.
something nice, that will some day wait in the mailbox.
might be you need to wait for a while though :)
note: I need your address for this, but you can send it later via e-mail as well.

and there is a catch, if you sign in :) would be nice that you would put the text to your blog (if you own one.) and make the good thing go around!

oh, and need to tell.
well done Jesus!
tyttis wallet and passport has been found,
only the money was gone.
hooray.

poriyya

2006-11-11T20:01:00.000+02:00

had the most relaxed weekend.
with ruut, geroge, paul and tytti.
went to the sea of galilee.
laughed so much.
listened to backstreet boys.
washed each others feet
and prayed.
Im so priviledged to know these people.

you know,
sitting in a swing facing the sea of galilee under trees with big pinecones,
before me opening a valley, the sea and mountains. mist in the air.
stuff I just cant put to words. just to know Im in the right place
at the right time and its all cause of Gods mercy.

what a day

2006-11-09T18:28:00.000+02:00

first of all I need to tell two things:
(cause people have seemed to be a bit worried
about these ones)

no, we are not on a holiday here, we do actually work.
and second, no I am not at all sad, and its a shame if my blog
gives out I would be. I actually think I havent laughed this much
in ages as we have been laughing here. I enjoy it. very much.

ok, then to the exciting adventure.

this morning we were preparing to leave with george to meet the muslimgirls.
tytti was already outside, and called me to get her wallet, cause she needed of course
to have her passport with her. going to west bank and all.

so I tried to find her wallet, and it just so happened I couldnt.
and se came in and she couldnt as well.
and we realized that it had been stolen.
there was this weird guy at the finnish centre yesterday evening,
and he went to our room and well, to make a long story short, he took tyttis wallet.

so gone was tyttis passport.

tytti cried,
I was a bit helpless,
george came and said:
you know, things are more spiritual.

so we hopped to the car,
drove to the village and met the girls.
beautiful, veiled, muslimgirls.

we danced a bit with the younger ones.
told things about finland,
showed a drama and told how God loves us as we are.
signed pieces of papers and received invitations.
enjoyed.

and these young girls,
they are not supposed to talk politics, are they?
and still.
we faced straight questions and no settling for vague answers.
small girls stood up and shared their thoughts about happenings in gaza.

in the class there was a poster on the wall that tried to proclaim
peace with feeding propaganda.
yes, things are more spiritual.
how it all starts from the heart.
hatred or love
war or peace.
how we all lack peace apart from Jesus.

coming back the athmosphere was again a bit thick in jerusalem.
the things going on in gaza,
the gay parade (and we actually live right next to mea shearim, the strict jew area, where they were rioting a bit cause of the parade)
and the wallet thing and all.

but well, things are more spiritual.
there are more in these than what meets the eye.

today so far

2006-11-08T14:20:00.000+02:00

we woke up at eight,
realized the kitchen was invaded bu swedish guests
and went to the garden tomb to pray a bit.

we had a meeting with ruth, paul and george at 10:30
and after that I packed some foodbags to give to the poor families.

I tried to concentrate not to think the human perspictive
to what happened in gaza last night.
cause that makes no good.
Jesus, dont let my love grow cold when hearing news about wars.

tomorrow we are going to a small village near nablus with george.
to meet teenage muslimgirls.
as we asked george what we need to do there he responded:
well actually I dont want them to see a show,
basically I just want them to see your hearts.
to make friends.

just what I want to do the most.

2006-11-05T15:19:00.000+02:00

tales from betlehem part 600 or something

2006-11-05T11:25:00.000+02:00

the stores were closed,
on strike, told sami.

there had been some rioting.
one lady died, some houses demolished.

so I ate a pita with cheese and pickles for lunch
standing outside a shop that was open.
nice to see you in betlehem said two palestinians
who were doing a report for tv.

and I didnt feel hopeless

went with paul to the refugee camp.
its actually some blocks of houses
built on the un land.
sat with a bunch of palestinian youngsters
and paul offered to sell me as a wife for one.
(and with 1000 shekels, come on, thats like nothing.)

three girls ran after me, all curious.
I gave them some gum.

and I didnt feel hopeless.

we sat with sabha, the blind lady who works
in a factory with lousy payement.
she has a hard time, being the only christian there.
she poured her heart and told about her struggles.
we prayed.

and I didnt feel hopeless.

a day

2006-11-04T10:23:00.000+02:00

you should live in here in betlehem
said sami as we sat in his little room.
the tv showed arabic drama and nescafe tasted good for a change.

in the evening little jewish boys were playing
hide and seek in the darkening cornerns of the jaffa gate.
one ran straight to my lap.

at the wall the flag was halfway down.
and the white dove had its head in the cleft of the wall.

2006-11-01T19:29:00.000+02:00

once upon a weekend

2006-10-29T22:37:00.000+02:00

the girls slept late and wore their pyjamas until one in the afternoon.
they enjoyed some autumn athmosphere with hot chocolates and good finnish music.
and the walls of stone radiaded cold.

they saw their palestinian little brother, gave him some food
and rejoiced over seeing his asthonished face after receiving.

they spent the night in beit jala, where a patient arab girl taught them
to pronounce the numbers and the girls found their finnish throats not to be able so say such words. they slept not so well after drinking arabic coffee, but were warm under the heavy blankets.

early in the morning they woke up, joined an arab lady to pick some olives at her garden.
they picked and picked and picked and time went by fast.
a taxi took them to the checkpoint, where they didnt fit in, and laughed hard.
they saw men being stripped off from their shoes and waited for the red lights to turn green.

in the bus they met a blond lady, who invited them to work in her hostel she is going to open in betlehem. they marvelled at these meetings the writer of the story keeps giving them.

in the evening they met a friend, walked around, laughed, tasted narkila (the sweet taste tobacco) and teased their brains with some riddles.
then walked back home really close each other to avoid the coolness.

back home they needed to switch their blankets to thicker ones.

its autumn.

ministry of queueing at the check point

2006-10-26T22:28:00.000+03:00

went to betlehem today.
there was a long queue there.

"everyday like this" a man said to us.
"they dont ask for papers from you,
you are foreigners, not enemies like us"

a soldier came out and saw us there lined up with others.
"come here" he said.

"no, we can wait" we insisted couple of times before he let us stay in the line.

after going through the man said:
"today I respect you, you teached the soldier a good lesson
about how we are the same"

I think standing in the line with those people has been one of my highlights so far.

roadtripping

2006-10-23T11:40:00.000+03:00

haifa 21.10.2006

saw the beautiful haifa from mount carmel.
the city is nowadays known as the centre for bahai religion.

father, when will elijahs mock the prophets of baal again?
one man of God would be enough,
are we really Gods, or what is going on?

a fancy temple they do have, the bahais.
and a beautiful garden.

but still daddy knows how to make things even more baeutiful.
nothing compares to the waves of the mediterranean.

nasareth and mount tabor 22.10.2006

two thirds of nasareth are arabs.
souks and the smell of coffee.
and a church, again. build on a holy place where the angel appeared to mary they say.
if I had to choose, this churchbuilding would be my favourite though.
the doors proclaim the gospel with its pictures.

sea of galilee.
I wonder if I would have taken those steps of faith peter did?
will I?

mount tabor, where Jesus spoke with elijah and moses.
this place was something else.
you could actually sense the holiness. prescense.
ones soul really rested.

we climbed to the highest point of the mountain to see the sun go down.
on top of an arch made by stones.
I seriously wasnt going to climb, cause im not so fond
of high places and climbind steep walls,
but susanne and petri wouldnt give up.
I took a hold of petris hand almost hyperventilating,
and even to my own amazemend did go up.
with their help.

and the view was breath taking.
and the whole episode spoke to me about church,
fellowship, weakness, sharing and faith.

the beach of haifa and akko 22.10.2006

lovely day,
spent time on the beach.
collected shells.

saw the nice city of akko,
its an old port town,
quite an important city
from the crusader times.
so far its almost my favourite!
the sea and kind of the same athmosphere as the old city in jeru.

great trip we had,
but boy it felt good to come back home.
back home to jerusalem.

yes, about jericho

2006-10-22T23:16:00.000+03:00

it was amazing.

george took us there to do some drama to muslims.
we showed them the mask drama, and shared about
how God loves us as we are.
told them about finland, the light nights and cold winters.

answered questions like: how do finnish people relate to palestine?

they called us barbie (obviously tytti with her blond hair)
and doll.

God is so good.

and to see how they just are encouraged by us being there.
its something I just cant understand, but frim what I am grateful for.
again I can learn that being proceeds doing.
its not about ministry. hooray!
(I have quite a process with ministrystuff going on,
have to write about that some other time)

have to go now.

jericho

2006-10-20T09:53:00.000+03:00

sitting and eating with a bunch of muslim youngsters
when the first allahuakbar released ramadan from that day,
hearing their eager questions about finland,
seeing the boys dance.

arabic coffee and songs that rise deep from the heart.

I face a lack of words.
how can Jesus answer my wordless prayers so good.

and Ive lost my heart.
how can I ever leave this place?

a sermon the wall gave me

2006-10-18T23:48:00.000+03:00

thick air in the old city today, last days of ramadan.
something in the air,
cant quite put my finger on it.

we went to pray to the wall.
also to show it to karoliina, who is visiting us from finland.

there praying and staring at the wall and the people praying besides it
I thought how much hope the jews must place to that pile of rocks.
and then in contrary how much hope does God place on us,
the living stones. he has placed Jesus, the hope of glory in us.
that we could be the sign of hope to these.

and I like the white dove sitting in a crack of the wall.
Ive seen it everytime Ive been there.

the loved hated culture and some other stories.

2006-10-17T22:20:00.000+03:00

I dont remember if ive told this story on my blog, but will do it again if I have.
a year ago when I was in london doing a short term mission thing,
I worked at a turkish church.
there was a korean pastor there.

one day he saw turkish youth on the other side of the road as me and another finnish girl
were sitting with him.
he said that we should go and take pictures with the youth and take their e-mail addresses.
as typical finnish people we were quite shocked about the idea and shy about doing it.

but after some persuasion we did. we went, talked with the youngsters and took a photo with them. as we returned to the korean pastor I said: this really was not a typical thing for a finnish person to do.
and the pastor said:
well, we shouldnt do things the finnish way, we should do them the kingdom way.

here one really wonders what is the good thing in culture, and what is not.
especially cause we are blondish western girls, and there are many men here.
its a struggle. how to meet them the right way.
and also how to liver the kingdom out,
and not to just present this western gospel to the people,
so that they have to be stripped from their own culture entirely.
cause I do see the beauty in these cultures, and how God can be glorified in different ways through them. oh Jesus, come on, just help with this all.

and an example from the living life in jerusalem.
i was taking a walk alone and a jewish man stopped me and asked something in hebrew.
I answered:
ano lo medaber ivrit (I dont speak hebrew)
and he asked in english about the policecars he has seen.
I didnt know about any policecars, so he then asked
if i am from finland.
as I said yes, he said:
oh I know people from finland, they always tell me about Jesus, you belive in Jesus?
with a glimpse of warning in my head I responded yes.
he asked me if I wanted to tell him about Jesus,
if we could go somewhere together.
I offered to give him the number of my pastor,
if maybe he could tell him something,
but the man was not interested in that.
as I shook his hand to say goodbye,
he slipped his hand inside my sleeve and asked me to give my hand to him.
I just wished him a good evening and walked away.
oh come on. how frustatrating is that?
and how much discernment does one need in this?
cause I do realize that Jesus can also work thorough wrong motives as well.
but yeah, waiting to be taught about this by the Holy Spirit.

ayman, the arab guy (one source of our frustration at them moment with these cultural things and where and how to draw lines and stuff)
took us to the mount of olives and to the mount scopus.

I saw the golden gate fot the first time.
(there are eight? gates in the walls of the old city)
the golde gate is the only closed gate, its not able to enter thourgh it.
it lead straight to the temple area, now the dome of the rock area.
the jews expect the messiah to come through this gate,
so the muslims have placed a cemetary right in front of the gate,
cause jews are made unclean if they touch something thats dead.
the muslims expect their al-masiuah to come through this gate as well.
the gate faces the mount of olives.

I think its my favourite gate.
there defenitely is something in it.

(woops, this post is really long)

we went to betlehem again.
to listen to a concert by a palestinan choir.
we kind of entered with faith,
cause people told us there arent any buses out cause of the ramadan.
but Jesus is overgood :)
we actually got a ride back to jeru in a car of a man who has started
an organization called musalah here in israel.
an organization we have wanted to get to know right from the start.
well done Jesus!

streets of betlehem

2006-10-14T00:22:00.000+03:00

betlehem again.
driving with pauls scooter
the narrow, steep, wide, messy roads of betlehem.

met sami and heard his testimony.
how he used to hate the israelis,
threw stones at them,
went to jail, met Jesus there and got changed
from inside out.

Visited blanca, a blind lady living in a small appartment in beit jala.

participated to give an english lesson to a young palestinian boy.

saw paul get frustreted at the checkpoint.

it was almost cold sitting at the back of the scooter.
its autumn here.

also went to play snooker in betlhem with nabil.
(by the way, it costs 3 shekels there, 40 in jerusalem)
and just walked around there with tytti.

sat in a restaurant where an old lady came to sit with us
and told to us with sadness in her eyes how her jewish friends
dont stay in touch anymore.
what to do the lady asked, without waiting for an answer.

its funny, how the city where hope has became flesh is now so full of hopelesness.

halas!

2006-10-12T14:43:00.000+03:00

six hours in betlehem starting from the morning.
Im exhausted, but it was great again.

I shared the story of the prodigal son.

and my arabic skills were in use:
halas
halas!
thats enough!

a skating jew

2006-10-11T21:59:00.000+03:00

yesterday we went to male adummin, a town near to jerusalem.
tytti knows a half finnish-half israeli family there, and we spent about four hours sitting with them. it was nice, to hear their stories about how they met, how he moved to finland and learned to play ice hockey and to hear their lovely kids speak finnish.
moti, the father of the family is a jew, and it was interesting to observe some habits they have. like how the dishes are being washed in different sinks depending if they have been used for meat or something with milk. (this is the kosher rule, part of it anyways..)
also moti explained to me before staring his prayers after the meal, how the jews bless God after the meal. cause its easy to ask God to bless the meal and thank him in the place of need, but how easy it is also forget him after we have filled our tummies.

before going to male we went to the central to see the jerusalem march, they were having a march cause of the feast of tabernacles. the international christian embassy had quite many participants on it as well, and we even saw quite many finnish flags. and it did feel good to see finland bless israel.
in the morning we had a brief chat with one of the workers here at the finnish centre, and we talked about how tense the situation is, and how people are choosing sides. its funny how its rooted so firmly in the human nature, that if someone else gets a blessing, it somehow makes my blessings smaller.. like the man stated: its not like we take anything away from the palestinians, if we bless israel.
and its also funny to see, how individual stuff works the same way on a national level as well. but well, of course, nations are made from individuals.
but how differently God sees it all. cause isnt it almost one of Gods principles, to bless others through others blessings? like through abraham he promised that all the nations would be blessed.

today has been a bit of a weird day again.
i think that recently i have been struggling with my emotions quite a lot.
both of us with tytti feel quite easily irritated and the athmosphere can be sometimes a bit tense. but well, Jesus is inviting us to learn how to communicate and be open to each other. the hebrew word balagan (meaning chaos) has defenitely made itself known to us. somehow the spiritual athmosphere here is the kind, that you cant quite put your finger on anything. like sometimes naming your own feelings is an impossible task.

i havent been in betlehem in a long time, and have faced a lot of weird feelings about that as well. cause i defenitely want to go there, and feel called to go there. but then everytime a chance rises, i start feeling very passive and anxious about it. for a ling time i just wondered and almost felt ashamed for thinking and feeling that way. one day, when tytti and i both were feeling irritated, i just told her about this as well, and she prayed and it really helped! God did something, and I felt so relieved! and a chance rose again, and im going with paul tomorrow and im going to speak in couple of the schools.

sukkot

2006-10-10T23:35:00.000+03:00

the feast of tabernacles started on saturday.
we danced hora after the service we had in the sukka and ate delicious foods. and in the evening went to the central and saw a group of orthodox jews dancing on the zion square. it was so cool! only stupid thing was, that the women werent allowed to dance!
the verse where it says that in christ there is no female or male really came to my mind..
but i just love the israeli dances, cause even from that you can so spot the mentality of the people. relaxed, outgoing and yes-the sometimes irritating no need to be so precis with everything attitude.

in work we have mainly been cleaning the bombshelter and helping with practical stuff.

Gods been so good to us by bringing so many cool and blessed people to our everyday situations. here at the finnish centre, were we are staying, stay also people who are visiting israel for a holiday. this week an older lady just wanted to pray for me and tytti and it was so blessed! its funny, that we need to come to israel to meet some spiritual mothers and fathers from finland :)

we also saw our friend who works for the UN, went to the museum of jerusalem with him. nice times. cant believe its a month when we left finland. and wont think that its two months when we need to leave israel.

shavua tov

2006-10-04T17:24:00.000+03:00

it was so confusing, but great though, yesterday cause a bunch of finnish friends came to jerusalem.
they have been here for a week, first visiting mount carmel and now couple of days in jerusalem.
its so fun and encouraging to have hanna and mia staying with us.

this morning we woke up early to walk to the dome of the rock.
we could actually get in to the dome, nor to the al-aqsa, but did have some time
in the mosque area. we met an old muslim lady, who asked for money.
so we gave her some and sang a finnish song to her. she kept on hugging us.

then we left for jericho with tytti and paul. we went to see basma, took some toys for her children and food for her and her friends. it was quite rough, but also very blessed.
basmas situation is not one of the easiest, and its so hard to imagine that she is only two years older than me.
jericho is by the way the oldest city in the world. and also the lowest one. its on the palestinian side. we had to go through the check point again.
the soldiers are always nice to us. western girls with western looks and western passports.
its striking to realize over and over again, that its not about politics, not about the media, not about religion, its about people.

something shocking

2006-10-02T18:51:00.000+03:00

i washed our clothes today.

and got them coloured to this baby blue-ish.

thank you Jesus for clorite!
and how it reminds that your blood does the some for us.
makes us white again.

betlehem at last!

2006-10-01T21:28:00.000+03:00

ive been sick, and missed two visits to betlehem cause of that.
but today, finally, went!

but to start from an earlier point,
we met than guy working for UN, and that was interesting!
again God introduces us to someone who knows interesting things
and wants to share them with us :)
also went with him to the holy schepulture (oh whatever something like that) church.
you know, where they think Jesus was crusified and buried and all of that.
a lot of fancy stuff there. shrines shrines.
he did tell an interesting fact, that its a muslim, who is in charge of the locking of the door.
that is cause in the time muslims invaded jerusalem it was a muslim as well.

yesterday was one of laziest days so far. though i was sick as well, so couldnt even do anything. we just watched movies. finished actually one of them today. quite a romantic doze it was.
after that spoke a bit with susanne ( a finnish volunteer here at the centre ) about the complexity of dating and so on. though she is already married. this topic has been coming to the discussions quite often while our stay in here. even had some cruel and good jokes around it. its been fun :)

today went to betlehem. we saw boulos, who works for ywam in betlehem. we joined him in the church he goes to. and were really happily surprised to see two of "our own youth" there as well :) that was so great. we saw the boy, who cant come to the meetings here in jerusalem, cause he is 16. the permission hasnt yet come. after the holidays they say.
i also heard i look 12 year old. and well, we did have an awful giggling scene in the church with tytti, launched by twin babies. sometimes we might act like 12 as well.

after the service we went to boulos' home and had dinner with his family. have i recently said that i like arabic people?

and it seemed that the stuff about not being able to go to the west bank and move out there wasnt true. so all safe and sound here.

someone wants to volunteer in hell?

2006-09-29T13:54:00.000+03:00

thats actually the sentence i heard when people where speaking our opprtunity to go to the gazastrip. might be we have a chance to go, please pray that Jesus could open the doors if its his will.

we just finished the session with palestinian youth in betlehem. there is just so much something I love in arab people! we got invited to couple of homes in ramallah and got photographed a lot :) thanks Jesus for bringin me here, i love this. though its awful how hard it is for me to remember what a different reality these people live in. after I told the youth that in finland we have few muslims and jews as well, a boy asked a question about how these groups relate to each other. after my answer he confirmed: so there are no troubles?
no, no troubles.

we saw the wall. tytti said someone had written Jesus wept on it.

tomorrow might hed to betlehem again, to visit some people. though Im not sure if they allow us there, it was said in the news that its prohibited to move outside in the west bank area. so dont know, we'll see.
they are being quite strickt now, cause its the first friday of ramadan, and its only few days to yom kippur.

and this evening were gonna meet with a palestinian guy who works for the UN. I love this, I love this. meeting people, getting to know them and hearing their stories!

hebrewing

2006-09-27T20:33:00.000+03:00

life here goes, and I enjoy the days.
we have had a blast with tytti, hebrewed (that is translated in to hebrew)
U2 songs and making up hebrew words.

we have actually learned something real as well.
azov oti! leave me alone
lailatov good night
manisha? how are you
and many more.
the man in our near shop said to us today:
dont talk too mych hebrew.
I guess he likes to talk to us in english,
but we would like to communicate in hebrew.

just finished a youth meeting.
I just love the youth here.
and the team we are working with.
ruut, a finnish lady who talks hebrew with her two beautiful girls,
paul, a british f u n n y guy,
george, the most gentle and also funny arabian man.

and the youth, from argentina, from dutch foster parents speaking hebrew, arabic, english and dutch living on the palestinian side but going to school in jerusalem, girls originally from kazakstan, we have it all.
was this the multicultural practical training..? hmm, Im not sure.

tomorrow Ill hed to betlehem again, Im going to speak in couple of the schools.
then on friday we go to betlehem to do one hour with palestinian young people
and then on saturday Ill go to betlehem to visit the refugee area and a blind lady and something like that. might be going to betlehem on sunday as well.
and by the way, just so things wouldnt by any chance be easier, they have changed the time already in betlehem. they are one hour behind. weirdest.

its something inside you

2006-09-22T22:29:00.000+03:00

amazing evening.

we just decided with tytti to hed to the bazaars of old town.
shabat was beginning and the bazaars closing.
we just wandered.
to the arab quarter.
thats my favourite. (well, to be honest everythings my favourite)
but the excitement and chance of fear is biggest there :)
ok, sometimes it gets even frustrating,
cause our blond heads tricker many shouts, but nowadays we know how to respond:
azov oti! leave me alone.

so today we got a bit lost.
but as tytti put it, the best way to get to know the town is to get lost.
walked among the cars in the via dolorosa.
tried to check from the map where we are,
and then ayman came.
an arab guy, who offered to take us to the roof of jerusalem.

and so he did.
I cant even describe it.
he took us all the way up.
we stood over the bazaarstreets, right in the middle of the old town.
saw the jewish quarter, the muslim quarter with al aqsa and the dome,
the christian quarter with its churches and the armeanian quarter.
heard stories from ayman.
history, facts. about the palestinians and the arabs and about the fact how they actually are one and the same, and still are not. about the fact how in the arab identity cards they are nobodies, and their nationality is marked with stars. about how the armenians actually fight more with arabs than the jews do, cause the armenians were driven out from their land by turkish who were muslims.

and this wasnt even enough, ayman showed us more, told us more.
we walked to the zion gate, formerly knows as the king davids gate.
he showed us the three mountains up from the roof of the building where Jesus had the last supper. he explained about the zionists who sleep by the gate. he showed us the wall, they are building to divide jerusalem. he told us about the golden gate, wich cant be used, and how the al-masiuah will come one day from that gate. he told us why Jesus hasnt come back yet (cause he is waiting at the checkpoint on the israeli border :) )he told us about ramadan, that might start tomorrow, and about how religion is only a set of rules. (oh how many people are so fed up with religion, Jesus, let us present something living)

and he told us, that once youve settled in jerusalem you cant leave the place.
its something inside you, you cant leave the place. you always end up back.

yes, a good night indeed.

shana tova!!

2006-09-22T17:18:00.001+03:00

happy new year everyone!
its the year 5676 here, starting from tomorrow.
hmm, I wonder who ever invented to start calculating time from the birth of Jesus. funny, what way is the wrong and whats the right one?
what way does God calculate the years, whats His way of seeing the world? what IF my western christian way isnt the way He sees things?
I heard a man once say: the best way to change your world view is to take risks.

this is crazy, I think I could write a book about every day here,
but dont have time to sit here so much. so youll only get glimpses.
Im so sorry I cant communicate to you all the great taste of hummus, the shouts on the jewish market, the birds singing, the cars honking, the people smiling and all that.

yesterday I went to betlehem.
paul, a great british guy with a scoobydoo watch and one of the warmest hearts took me at the back of his scooter and off we went.
paul visits about 5 different schools, most of them disabled schools.
he sings in them and gives short speeches, kind of like morning devotions. then he visits for example one man, and delivers his post (they dont have post running in betlehem, so the man gives his letters to paul, who sends them from jeru) and also we went to visit the boy I wrote earlier about, the one who cant come to jeru anymore, cause he is 16. his permit is now under asking, so lets pray it comes through.

needless to say, I loved it. the kids just stole my heart.
and just being there. it felt right.
though not in the moment when we were sitting at the fine sofas of one christian center (woops, I dont want to mention names or anything, or even dont want to sound like Im critizing, just telling my own thoughts, please dont be offended anyone, Im sure they all do good job in the area, its just not what God is maybe calling me to) and the palestinian "refugee street" was on the other side of the road. are we christians like this, seriously? must say, Id rather been sitting there with the people.
who needs a wooden desk anyway?

then in the evening we met with that arab salesman I told you about earlier. he took us to some cool hill, where we could see the whole jerusalem lighted in the night. a m a z i n g . he is very nice, and I guess this relationship falls in the category of changing our worldview :)

living dead?

2006-09-21T15:55:00.000+03:00

the other night we went to sukat halel -thats like a 24-7prayer place here in jerusalem. they have like a "slot" for the young people every week, so ruuts (our mentor here) lovely daughter ruhama took us there.

it was a good evening.
the young people here are amazing, such hearts, passionate and devoted.

as we were worshipping, one of the girls of the band started to sing like an inspirational song, where it said only couple of sentences:
all I want is you, all I crave is you.

and Jesus spoke to me about the cost.
its funny, I think that the maturity of these young peole is the result of the pressure they are living under. Id be so glad to welcome some tribulations to finland, if it would make us a bit more alive..

Jesus said that its going to cost you. maybe even your lives. but he who endures until to the end will have a crown of life.
and the scripture from revelaton came to my mind
"they defeated him ( satan that is ) through the blood of the lamb and the bold word of their witness. they werent in love with themselves: they were willing to die for Christ" (from rev12)

its just that we are so used to this safe life. eventhoug I as a finn notice it in myself. and even to speak about something like martyrdom is a bit absurd. usually people respond to it with .you are more useful alive.. aah, dont try and be such a martyr..you cant save the world..

but then again, if Jesus is actually asking me to lay down my life as a sacrifice, not only to donate my time for him, wouldnt it mean he is in control. in everything. every area of my life. its no longer me living, cause Ive died already, and my life is now hidden in God with Christ. Could it be?

what would happen if I would actually start living this way?
its coming, and I cant wait.
AND in the middle of all these thoughts Im so grateful, that Im known by God and loved even in my weaknesses.

from revelation again:
letter to the church of smyrna
I can see your pain and poverty-constant pain, dire poverty-
(I guess suffering and glory go hand in hand many times.)
but I also see your wealth---
fear nothing in the things you are about to suffer-but stay on guard! fear nothing! the devil is about to throw you in jail for a time of testing-ten days. it wont last forever. dont quit, even if it costs you your life. stay there believing. I have a life-crown sized and ready for you. (according to the Message)

and anyways, its nice that even this one can practise. as we were singing a song with the words: I will soar with you above the storm, father you are king over the flood. I will be still and know you are God, I just realized again how Jesus calls us to worship him with our lives so that we live these songs out in the middle of our headache, lost keyes or depression.

its so interesting. this all, finding life with Jesus.

please, discernment

2006-09-18T22:14:00.000+03:00

I sit here very irritated and decided to try and write something.
dont actually know why I am so irritated, this has been a weird day.
it started with me broking a plate and loosing my keyes. (luckily they werent lost at all in the end)
maybe its all because we actually started some kind of work stuff this week.
ok, ill try to cool down and understand the deeper stuff under this I feel.
it just seems one needs to learn it here quite a lot.

been to old jerusalem by now. no words to describe.
still many layers and levels attached to the facts.
the athmosphere is striking.
so different from the rest of jeru.

fear is an interesting thing.
Ive actually even enjoyed it during my stay here.
not to let it have the control over situations,
but maybe to let it linger just a bit and hear what it has to say.
it tells me what I need to learn still.

we were in tel aviv yesterday.
bought me a bikini, and had the whole shop assisiting..
a bit different than what Im used to..
smelled the salty wind, I just l o v e the mediterranean.
saw my bro jari, who is working in tel for still a week.
walked a l o t.

this weeks thursday Im going to get to betlehem for the first time.

oh the days go

2006-09-15T15:23:00.000+03:00

Im still here. in Jerusalem.
almost too good to be true.

one awesome thing is, that a friend of mine, Niilo is
in the israeli army at the moment. we saw him the day before,
and first of all it was so nice to see him, and then so interesting
to listen to his stories. he knows quite a lot, and of course has some
different perspectives to issues.

we took niilo with us when we went to see the youthgroup for the first time.
we are going to work with these young people. tytti maybe even more, cause
she will lead a kings kids group for them.
but oh, thay just stole my heart, such passionate, lively people!
and something to pray about, a young boy from the pales area has been
coming to the group, but now as he turned 16 the law says he cant come to israeliside
anymore without a given permission.

thursday started nicely, we had breakfast with a finnish lady who is here for holidays.
she shared some amazing stories from her life, and we prayed for her.
she also prophesied a bit for me. a light breakfast that was..

then we went to the old town, planning on going to the wailing wall (still havent seen the dome of the rock and that) but we got stuck to the bazaars. we met a really nice salesman, and ended up sitting with him for two hours. and it was almost like therapy, how he asjked things about us and our culture and challenged us. talked for example about the differences in familylife. its so cool how God let us to him, and spoke to us through him. and he a muslim :)

and yeah, I ate my first falafel. and some hummus.

last glimpses of vienna, first ones from jerusalem

2006-09-14T12:59:00.000+03:00

in vienna we tried to understand something of the city, but didnt quite succeed.
while sitting in a tram we saw somekind of christian center and decided to go and ask for prayer there. some american missionaries greeted us with joy and prayed for us. encouraging!

for some unknown reason we decided to spend the last night at the airport. so we checked in about 14 hours before our flight and spent the night on the floor under the benches. for some reason time really makes things look better in a short, I already think of the night warmly as a good experience, though it was awful, long and cold. early in the morning the sofas in starbucks offered some comfort fo us again.
an iranian yoga teacher started to talk to us. he had some really good points, and it was interesting talking with him. though he laughed hard when I responded to his reincarnation theory by proclaiming that I think I am brand new. its funny though, talking with these new ageish, activistic-kind people. many times I see their lives being more biblical in many ways than christians. and they see so much spiritually. like this iranian guy just said that while we were sleeping on the sofas he saw a light surrounding us. well, no wonder cause the Holy Spirit lives in us. why cant we christians see these things. (oh the blinding power of the seen)

then, Jerusalem, day one.
almost feel unworthy to write anything, cause my words wouldnt express the things that I see and feel and wouldnt do justice for the plan God has for this all.

first day we checked the healtcare. tytti was so ill, we went to eat jerusalem to get her some medicine. in the hospital I lost my heart to the funny cleaner man, to a small aeab girl and many others. tyttis path went from the info to the nurse to the info to the doctor to the info to the lab to the info to the doctor to the info. and she got antibiotics. I love this!

there are so many layers in being here. like just seeing all the cool, beautiful places. loving the people, getting to know them. and then feeling a bit of fathers heart as he aches for the souls and the lives that suffer and are in need of him. I havent been able to deal with half of the emotions ive felt. overwhelmed with this all.

when we walked home as the prayercall sounded and the arab kids played football I felt home and alive. its right to be here.

please pray

2006-09-11T16:15:00.000+03:00

were in vienna, and very ill.
got here yesterday,
so far we have been sleeping in the hostel,
sleeping in starbucks and sleeping in a park.
sitting in a tram trying to understand something
through somekind of haze of illness.
come on Jesus!
at the airpost yesterday a man walked straight to us and said:
iran has statred a war against israel on the 13 of july,
dont go there, it will be the third worldwar and you
all or going to be a part of it.
funny thing that he walked straight to us.. heh.

arent we there yet?

2006-09-07T22:50:00.000+03:00

soon.
at last, soon.

back to the scheduled life for a while

2006-08-21T15:38:00.000+03:00

school started, and Im excited for that.
we have some really interesting lectures coming,
about the refugee policy in finland, rights for women in developong countries etc.
and Ill be flying to wien on the 10th of september and to tel Aviv on the 12th!!

at least at the moment it seems that they allow us to go.
its been a piece of a process to just let go.
cause going to israel is quite a thing for me, and then I just have to wait what the
school decides, cause I cant go if they tell me not to.
and in a way I feel its so unfair, cause if the israeli people live under the circumstances
24-7, then why should I be any more "priviledged" to keep myself in this safe and sound
finland, especially if I feel, that Jesus is calling me to israel.
and yeah, I know that maybe there isnt much I can do, (though we have been joking around with tytti that our final works title is:peace to the middle east), but still. if I can smile to one palestinian girl, wipe a tear from an orphans cheek and help an older lady to cross the street I know Ive done something. my friend hanna (whos back from south africa-thanks Jesus) told that one lady said to her there: a wise person knows that the sea is made of drops.
but yes, in the end Ill have to trust Jesus, if he wants me there, then he can do it.

I just had a great weekend in ahvenanmaa, åland. some old and new friends
coming together, hanging around, praying and hearing some good teachings.
again the topic about seeing the unseen come about. its been a theme for me for the whole summer. and defenitely something I want to learn more of. like in everyday life.
walking in it.

heard a great teaching beginning with the story from acts three where peter and john heal the crippled man, telling him how they dont have gold or silver, but what they have they can give : in the name of Jesus rise and walk.
and how Jesus many times has to do quite many things in order to get us to this point where we dont have any silver or gold, or any other own theories or plans or ways to act. then its just Jesus and me. and thats when the real story begins :)
the God you have, is the God you have when youre all alone with him.
its easy to go to a meeting, praise some mighty God, rasie your hands with everyone else and shout hallelujah. but how about when there is only you and God. you, some difficulties and God?
who is He then to you?

also this sad story (dont know wheter it was a true story or not, sad anyways. could be taken as a joke, but brings tears to my eyes)
a young priest standing in a beautiful glistening church building says to an older:
over are the days when the church had to say: gold or silver I dont have.
and to this the older responses:
gone are also the days when we could say: in the name of Jesus, rise and walk.

from the journey

2006-08-14T22:51:00.000+03:00

2006-08-14T22:30:00.000+03:00

hope

2006-08-14T22:25:00.000+03:00

man selling vegetables

2006-08-14T22:18:00.000+03:00

bosnian children

2006-08-14T22:14:00.000+03:00

sarajevo

the girls are back in town

2006-08-14T11:34:00.000+03:00

home. feels good to be in finland.

vilnius was a great place, and perfect for having some rest as well.
we stayed in a hostel with great pillows and sheets and three british boys
in the same room.
friday night we took a bus to tallin, estonia. I couldnt sleep at all,
though was sitting next to milka this time. so after arriving to the terminal
in tallin, lotta and I just threw our sleeping bags in one corner and had sweet
four hours of sleep.

at the ship we had some feedback :) about our feelings towards the trip and to each other.
the trip was actually quite different from what I thought it would be,
but Im sure it was what Jesus had in mind. I learned quite a lot from the
chemistry we had as a group (would I dare to say as a body :)) and Im actually
quite sure this whole trip has more things to offer to everyone of us than we can even
think of.

seeing places and people still confirms one thing for me;
the more I see, the more I know I dont want to live for myself.

vilnius

2006-08-10T17:22:00.000+03:00

in liethuania. very nice here.
tried to sleep next to a big italian guy in the bus
last night, didnt succeed.
slept some in the park though.
sleeping outdoors is defenitely one of my favourites.
booked tickets home, arrive helsinki
saturday evening.

in warsow

2006-08-09T20:23:00.000+03:00

today came to warsow.
for a moment we were actually quite unsure if our train was just late
or if we were in a wrong train, but in the end we did arrive here. and only one hour late!

met some of tyttis friends from finland who were visiting poland.
adam is actually polish as well and he told us some interesting stuff
about the political situation.
also took us to this cool polish foodplace were basically the homeless
and students eat. and there was some really freaky food..
adams girlfriend ate something with warm pasta, jam and sugar.

yesterdaynight we did some pancakes to the wallets and sat for a while together.
we heard more about this SLOT festival,, sounds so cool. maybe we could come next summer.

now we are waiting for a bus to vilinius, it takes off at eleven. the ticket cost a bit more than we expected, but no worries still. everything ok, we are heding home. have to go, times out.