loosing my religion
"amongst thousands there hardly is one true christian.
we are almost pagans with christian names"
-luther at the end of his life
do I have the right to call myself "a christian"?
Jesus said: preach the kingdom, heal the sick, cast out demons.
out of these three Ive,, wait,,Ive.. yeah. Ive started to ponder about
this kingdom thing, and at this point thats pretty much it.
this spring has been a time of questions.
day after day I find more and more questions appearing.
and I just have to let go. sometimes it almost wears me out,
this unknowing. at the same time it makes me unsettle and reliefed.
Im hoping that this is me loosing a cherished misunderstanding
of what faith is (as ishamel once commented on my blog)
and sometimes I fear this is me loosing my faith.
I do know Jesus loves me, and I love him. and thats about it.
it all started as a process on the organized church. critiziging it was real easy, asking questions about it - easy, getting out of it was also q u i t e easy.
but at that time I had no idea it would turn out to be this personal.
in the beginning I often asked the question that while waiting for the new, is it better to act in the old or not to act at all. I never got the answer as a sign from heaven (yeah,like I usually get all my answers :)) but now looking at my life, I see Jesus has lead me almost in this place of barredness.
I think Ive lost my faith in christianity, in the church, in christians, in sharing the gospel,
in myself.
I dont know how to pray, how to read the Bible, how to meet people, how to live in relationships.
and I long for Jesus.
sometimes it feels quite crazy to trust that something would actually appear out of this nothingness. but in the end, its all I can do.
we are almost pagans with christian names"
-luther at the end of his life
do I have the right to call myself "a christian"?
Jesus said: preach the kingdom, heal the sick, cast out demons.
out of these three Ive,, wait,,Ive.. yeah. Ive started to ponder about
this kingdom thing, and at this point thats pretty much it.
this spring has been a time of questions.
day after day I find more and more questions appearing.
and I just have to let go. sometimes it almost wears me out,
this unknowing. at the same time it makes me unsettle and reliefed.
Im hoping that this is me loosing a cherished misunderstanding
of what faith is (as ishamel once commented on my blog)
and sometimes I fear this is me loosing my faith.
I do know Jesus loves me, and I love him. and thats about it.
it all started as a process on the organized church. critiziging it was real easy, asking questions about it - easy, getting out of it was also q u i t e easy.
but at that time I had no idea it would turn out to be this personal.
in the beginning I often asked the question that while waiting for the new, is it better to act in the old or not to act at all. I never got the answer as a sign from heaven (yeah,like I usually get all my answers :)) but now looking at my life, I see Jesus has lead me almost in this place of barredness.
I think Ive lost my faith in christianity, in the church, in christians, in sharing the gospel,
in myself.
I dont know how to pray, how to read the Bible, how to meet people, how to live in relationships.
and I long for Jesus.
sometimes it feels quite crazy to trust that something would actually appear out of this nothingness. but in the end, its all I can do.
posted by laura at 11:12 AM
6 Comments:
Laura, I would like to encourage you.
You wrote:
"I do know Jesus loves me, and I love him. and thats about it"
And I say: THAT'S ALL YOU NEED! To know the love of Jesus. And if people fill you with doubt regarding yourself, church, the bible, prayer, or WHATEVER, just cling on to the love of Jesus! If people speak judgement because they don't see you fitting in anywhere, or if they just don't understand your questions, let me just RELEASE that from you. I don't know how it works, I just know that even one person who speaks good things can really set others free. So: be free! Free from judgement, free from inadequasy, free from feeling that you don't fit in anywhere. You fit right into the lap of Jesus. And no matter how much theology or ecclesiology people can quote, it means NOTHING, if they don't have the revelation of the love of Jesus that you have.
Aamen! Laura-kulta, luota Jeesukseen! Oot rakas!
"Älköön sydämenne olko levoton. Uskokaa Jumalaan ja uskokaa minuun." (Jeesus, joh.14:1)
Voi, että kun haluisin nähä sua!
sounds so familiar...:)
and no easy answers...
I know how you feel.I almost feel the same way in this period.But...don't worry, because maybe God is distant in this period of your life, but He Will show up.I had so many dificulties living in a town with 4 christians, but God made me patient...Like Mathias wrote your words:He loves you, and you love him...Continue to search for Him.
Heips Laura! Lueskelin tässä näitä sun vanhoja posteja..On kyllä totta mitä joku muukin sanoi, et sun rehellisyys ja aitous on rohkaisevaa ja innoittavaa! On ollut rohkaisevaa nähdä ja jutella nyt viime päivinä. Mulla on tää kevät/viime aikoina ollut enemmän just tuo kohta et loosing my faith in the church&other christians - mutta sitten saa tavata kaltaisiasi "siskoja" ja joitakin muita ihmisiä myös, jotka innoittaa uskomaan tulevaisuuteen. Mutta tiedän kyllä mistä puhut tässä, vaikken niin tiiviisti lut.kirkossa koskaan oo ollutkaan. Mutta silti. Mutta niin monessa muussakin paikassa (Oon nähny aika paljon, vaikka mitä eri) so little Jesus, so much a lot of else. Heh. melkein nykyään näkee lutskussakin paljoa hyvää! =) Mut hei siukkuja ja ollaan yhteyksissä! Oot arvokas! Ihan minulle. Toiv nähdään pian, ja voidaan jatkaa juttuja! :)
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