introducing a friend

I was taking a walk the other night.
as I walked pass these dark parks and corners
I realized I wasnt alone.

this creepy feeling accompanied me.

so there we were walking, me and my fear.

today I read the newspaper.
an israeli reporter had been to gaza,
interviewing a hamas leader.
and the leader told, how proud he is
for being able to create an athmosphere
of fear. that there might not be a lot
they can do at the moment, but
this is what they can do and its working.

so I noticed that this friend of mine is actually
quite famous. but he is not often liked.

negative things rule too much in this world.

what if I would really take it seriously when Jesus
says I dont need to be afraid?
what if I would turn these things in to friends,
allow them to minister to me and tell me where
I need to grow, what I need to learn,
but wouldnt allow them to take the best of me?

what if I could kind of embrace even fear, suffering
and bad feelings in depth in Jesus, without just
excluding them in an unrealistic way, trying
to make everything look good outside.

could it be that this would free me to love more?
to feel more?
to live more?