really wondering
we had these lectures in school today.
old men and women came together to talk about christian upbringing.
I drew a picture of well-dressed ladies and gents and wrote down their
fancy words. and next to that I drew a hippie, a punk and a gothic girl.
and wrote down
"Really, what did you go out to see? A man dressed in fancy clothes? See, those who wear fine clothes and live in luxury are in royal palaces."
except insted of royal palaces I wrote seminars.
then I wrote: "we must stop loving in word and in tongue, but instead love in action and in truth."
and I sat there trying to imagine what would happen if Jesus would step in to the class.
also wondered if there is something really wrong with me, my attitude and thoughts, or is it something I am allowed to feel. this frustration when almost all I hear is about religion, upbringing and tradition. (I guess I am allowed to feel it. one thing is what I do with the feeling. and well, its the cross-fire ,I guess, what makes me feel uncertain with what is right. like what comes from men and what from God)
lately Ive struggled with myself quite a lot. my sense of being worth of something. my ability to live in the freedom of God and to love people. and Ive found out it really doesnt rise very good out of guilt. no, doesnt work. maybe it would be useful to try out grace and Gods love next.
and then, sitting in these lectures it makes me re-re-rethink my studies. am I actually ment to be here, listen to these kind of lectures? am I here out of obedience or out of fear of really stepping out in faith? I can only hope in the fact that Jesus sees my heart and the fact I so so so want to do what He wants me to do.
thats about it from my perspective.
maybe God is more concerned on the bigger picture. maybe I can see this all as a practical training to actually just do stuff without feeling like it. learning to be committed to things I dont feel like loving so much. learning to discern through being totally helpless in it. (isnt that a part of the weird math of the kingdom -loose and you find, die and you live ) learning to be dependant on God and so on. yes, he knows what He is doing.
and I guess this all works up for the freedom I so long. that I myself could be brought out of the box. out of the obsession to put God in a box.
there is something that really draws me in these two verses, something I long to grasp.
As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother's womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things. Ecc11:5
The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit. Joh 3:8
old men and women came together to talk about christian upbringing.
I drew a picture of well-dressed ladies and gents and wrote down their
fancy words. and next to that I drew a hippie, a punk and a gothic girl.
and wrote down
"Really, what did you go out to see? A man dressed in fancy clothes? See, those who wear fine clothes and live in luxury are in royal palaces."
except insted of royal palaces I wrote seminars.
then I wrote: "we must stop loving in word and in tongue, but instead love in action and in truth."
and I sat there trying to imagine what would happen if Jesus would step in to the class.
also wondered if there is something really wrong with me, my attitude and thoughts, or is it something I am allowed to feel. this frustration when almost all I hear is about religion, upbringing and tradition. (I guess I am allowed to feel it. one thing is what I do with the feeling. and well, its the cross-fire ,I guess, what makes me feel uncertain with what is right. like what comes from men and what from God)
lately Ive struggled with myself quite a lot. my sense of being worth of something. my ability to live in the freedom of God and to love people. and Ive found out it really doesnt rise very good out of guilt. no, doesnt work. maybe it would be useful to try out grace and Gods love next.
and then, sitting in these lectures it makes me re-re-rethink my studies. am I actually ment to be here, listen to these kind of lectures? am I here out of obedience or out of fear of really stepping out in faith? I can only hope in the fact that Jesus sees my heart and the fact I so so so want to do what He wants me to do.
thats about it from my perspective.
maybe God is more concerned on the bigger picture. maybe I can see this all as a practical training to actually just do stuff without feeling like it. learning to be committed to things I dont feel like loving so much. learning to discern through being totally helpless in it. (isnt that a part of the weird math of the kingdom -loose and you find, die and you live ) learning to be dependant on God and so on. yes, he knows what He is doing.
and I guess this all works up for the freedom I so long. that I myself could be brought out of the box. out of the obsession to put God in a box.
there is something that really draws me in these two verses, something I long to grasp.
As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother's womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things. Ecc11:5
The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit. Joh 3:8
posted by laura at 1:50 PM
2 Comments:
Olet tosi rakas, Laura! On opettavaista, mulle ainakin, kun jaat noita tuntemuksia.Ei kulosta vieraalta.
Halaus, Niina
Hi Laura! I will eventually write in Finnish, am too tired. Goo dto read your thoughts.. Nothing deep to say, just came to think of I had a year of studying science and I felt I wasn´t really DOING anything or coming anywhere with God, but in the end it turned out good and necessary for pursuing other dreams... I think we have times like that. But then again, sometimes when life sucks it´s God´s way of saying we are in the wrong place, so I wasn´t really meaning it as an answer to anything... Love you sister, remember I will always consider you a very good friend, love you very much!!!!! /erikka
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