we do actually have a connecting God, like even here in finland!

I havent been to any services for quite a while, but lately (last two weekends) been to four! cause Ive been feeling like getting to know new people. its really funny, Ive just sensed that there might people I would like to know and who could be even somekind of soulmates.
and what do you know, it seems to be so!

I almost have had to repent :) cause Ive somehow thought that there arent people in finnish church scene who are in processes with these things.
so, on saturday I had a cup of coffee with this girl I met a week ago in this majakka church. and it was so encouraging. we knew what the other was speaking about. samekind of thoughts and things. cool, thanks Jesus.
and then last friday I met mathias, whos blog Ive been reading and talked with this girl with whom we just seemed to connect quite good. we are gonna have a cup of coffee some day as well.
and then on saturday I went to this youth meeting cause my friends theather group had a play there, and I just ended up praying with four people Ive never met before, and totally without my own effort.

its s o encouraging. for really a long time Ive been doing actually nothing, which has been really good, and then now, all of a sudden it seems that something is happening, and not only that, but its about relationships and connections! thanks Jesus! cant wait to see what you are gonna do!

short one

Ive started my practical training in the childrens home,
really hard to find time and a place to use the internet.
Ill write more when have the chanche.

the brilliancy of communication

the other night we were sitting in our kitchen
and read an article from the newspaper
(which milkas aunt ordered for us for one month.
and the month is over. and I feel addicted.)
about the holocaust.

tytti read it, and we started to talk and I just said
what I had thought about earlier. about the jews
and the time of the holocaust. if I would be
the kind of follower of the way who would hide jews in
my home. despite of everything.
and how I would want to be that kind of a follower.
and brought it to today, and thought about it
in terms of justice. am I the kind of follower
who does something, tries to do something
to the injustices going on in guantanamo
and so on. and I dont even have to look so
far to see injustice. so we chatted these kind of things.

and the next evening tytti said, that she was happy I
started to talk about it, and said how it made her to think
how she has a tendency to pick up a side in matters,
and I realized I didn´t think of it that way. but how true it is
in life. black or white. right or wrong. palestinians or jews.

way biblical ex-drug addicts

yesterday on our lessons we had two ex drug addicts
sharing about their lives
it was so inspiring and got me way excited.
they told about this place where they went to rehabilitate.
its a place where they do it without any medicines,
using the comminity as a source of strength and different kind of therapies.
they live as a family, and their values (and they are not only in word, but actually in action) are honesty and openness. they deal emotions through and talk and solve problems together. so biblical.
its a funny thought that in order to be living in a community in finland you need to be an ex- drug addict.
its also kind of sad, what they shared about the cultural shock after leaving the community. how they really needed to watch their behaviour and what they talk about. finnish culture would need the straight talk from open and honest people. maybe here is one way I could learn to turn this culture upside down. but I do need quite a lot of grace to learn to grow in to it. :)

about my name

I wrote some of this in one of those evenings when you know its far too late and you should be sleeping, but you know also that if you would go outside, you would smell the spring and its impossible to sleep. cause wintersleep is beginning to show signs of waking.

I guess this is kind of made up a bit and true a bit. its this way of sharing my name with you and at the same time kind of dealing my life.

my mother is a strong woman. and I always liked to think that she, or the fact how she is never actually affected me.

my father again, he is no more. though he quite rarely ever was. even while still being.
also for a long time I thought that how he was or wasnt didnt influence the matter how I ended up being or not being.

and then being the youngest in our family I dont feel I ever got to know my siblings that well. or they me. they all flew away from the nest before I learned to use my wings.

in school it was really hard. this being me thing. especially cause being me was something that was not being liked
and they said
be cool, be bold, be a girl, be a woman, be more, be less

the athmosphere at home spoke quite a lot. though without any words. it took me a while to learn its language but eventually the grammar sunk in and I got hold of the rules. when to ask questions, when to be silent.

and silence, he was good preacher. those lasting impacts with his sermons. and I kind of even grew up to like them. or at least to think that is the way things are done. and when you dont get answers, eventually you stop asking. and start playing by their rules. and again, being me is messed up.

so in this situation of being quite uncertain I even was, I heard something that put me into being.

first only this thin whisper "yada"
and then through time it grew into a huge echo that surged life in to me, YADA

and you know, it was my daddy. telling me who I am.


yada is hebrew, and it means known.