fear is a real crappy excuse

the Bible usually knows it,
have to admit it again.

like iron sharpens iron,
so a person does to another person.

I learned again, I dont know how to love.
but how merciful it is, to hear it
from someone who I know will stick with me.

have you ever thought that when revelation
lists people who arent going to be in heaven,
the list starts with cowards?
maybe this is more serious than I thought.

Im really wanting to leave my comfort zone,
really.
and I really really
dont want this being afraid thing to stop me.

something like this

you know my heart,
I do want to.

though I sometimes loose it,
and its heavy,
this cross of mine.
I do want to

cause
who wants a reduced jesus anyway
nice words on a piece of paper
and good morals?

come follow me
you extend your hand
and you know I want to

not the icon
not the nice one
not the reduced
but real.

real love,
real power,
real miracles,
real sacrifices,
real life,
real sufferings
and real dying.

want to have it all.
welcome narrow path.

we have a home

my six months as a homeless person are over.
tomorrow we are going to sign a contract
and then me, milka and tytti are with a home again.

the funny thing is, that the flat is actually just across the street
from the flat we used to live. hooray!

here´s the season to be jolly

newyearswentby.

we just were,
a bunch of girls at my mums,
praying, putting things down on the altar,
playing, laughing, having communion, just hanging.

and it was wonderful,
praying with a group
I felt my heart alive
and the freedom and space
that can only be found in Jesus.

and as I laid down things from my life
I suddenly realized the meaning of how
I can give rejoicing.
its not that Im grinning my teeth,
giving away all cool things from my life to Jesus,
but that Im actually in great need of help
conserning my relationships, schedules,
everything, and I was there to confess that
I need help, wanting to give it all out
to God, saying I have hope and faith
that Jesus can actually change things.

may this be a different kind of year.