guess what Ive done, guess what Ive done?!

I actually seriously just bought my tickets to israel.
will be there on the 12th of september.
too excited to write.

the confirmation camp where Ill be teaching starts tomorrow,
wouldnt mind a few prayers, that Jesus would draw the young people.
my first lesson is on the subject of congregation :) cant wait.
but the athmosphere can get a bit religious and passive at times.
so Jesus, give me the grace to live in the kingdom culture.

(and also: I used the metro today, and there were a bunch of
really dressed up muslims waiting for it as well. goosh I realized how
I miss them! the all knowing scholars. I actually stalked them for a while,
but didnt catch even one word of arabic. then I had to get off before them,
shame. would have been great to talk with them, but well, maybe I wouldnt
be ready for it, and also I guess they would have gotten a stroke if a young
finnish lady started to talk to them)

really really yearning to ride my bike

I just finished a book by ted dekker, a man called blessed. needless to say, it spoke right to my processes. some glances for you too:


"giving up? you mean in your world monks are expected to give things up?
we sont toss up a few coins or a mercedes in exchange for the kingdom.
we give our lives. and we gain him.
we give up the unreality of meaningless pursuits and we find god.
there is no greater disaster in a spiritual life than to be immersed in a false reality.
we abandon the false reality for the sake of a greater reality.
knowing god."

"you were saying that anyone may become a monk here by chasing after the creator.
and how do you do this? how do you chase?"
"the pearl of great price" the monk said immediately as if everyone should know it intimately.
"sell everything to buy the pearl. to do so you must first desire the pearl" caleb said.
"yes, then you also know that desire doesnt come from the mind, but from the heart. the hope that burns under the ashes of our poverty"

"but really poverty is not about living without. living without can be a fruitless death full of misery. poverty is about needing.
its clearing space in your heart so that God can fill it"

"so you have faced some adversity", elijah said, still stroking his chin. "that is good. adversity introduces a man to himself. and we must know ourselves before we can know what needs to die"

"your beliefs are wrong. you say that you may not be living up to your beliefs, but by definition, this is impossible. we always live up or down to our beliefs.
beliefs are the rails which govern our lives. our trains roll on them wheter we like it or not.
if your train is not rolling on the set of rails which you claim are yours, its because you have diverted your train to another set of rails -these are your true beliefs now, not the rails you left. unless you first understand this, you can never find what you seek"

"you must remember that the spiritual life is first of all life. its something to be lived. but like all other life it, too, can grow sick and die when rooted from its proper element. perhaps you have been uprooted.
living in a monastry or a church or a desert hardly counts as walking in the kingdom"

"be bold. cowardive keeps man double minded,
hesitating between two worlds. true faith abandons one option for other.
hesitation is the death of faith."

"when you learn to ride a bike, you dont just learn that you ought to ride it;
you actually attempt to ride it
and then you do ride it.
belief works the same way.
im learning to believe, i am riding my bike"

waiting

yesterday I sat by the sea.
on a cliff,
and the seagulls were singing.
(I love them. reminds me of the childhoods summers.
dad out on the porch watching the thunderstorm.
I always wondered how he was so brave)

someone was taking a swim,
and walked on the stones at the bottom of the sea.
looked like he was walking on waters.
it made me smile.

walking on waters, some day.
Jesus is developing faith in me.

turkuturkuturku

at the moment Im in turku.
we hitch hiked here yesterday with tytti. boy I like that, meeting different kind of people. three cars got us here.

Im at petras place. its been blessed to see petra and share stuff with her. we really seem to be going through the similar kind of stuff. also saw a dear brother jussi after half a years break, he was in australia.
today have seen tons of friends, enjoyed ice cream, spent time in a prayer room and just hanged out.

this turku place is something. would not wonder if Id live here at some point. even for a while only.

tomorrow we gotta hitch back home, monday is a working day. Ive been working in the kids club now for a week, and Ive actually enjoyed it way more than I thought I would. still have work for one month, then off to holidays!

words

if only I could somehow penetrate you with these feeble words.
catch something that would be more than what Ive always seen.

its just, that your light seems to reveal more darkness,
fears within me invite me not to live
and I cant squeeze faith out of these cells,
not even the size of a mustard seed.

my ears are deaf jesus.
and still somehow you are able to break through with a faint whisper
"yada. known"

how could have I forgotten my name?

in all these unknowings, unbelievings and unhearings
my heart sighs,
known.