in between

"Im sick and tired of words that don’t mean anything." She said to him.
He nodded. And saw.
Then he smiled.
And out of his mouth came one tiny word, that pierced her right through.
"Come" he said.

And she wanted to. More than anything.

It was funny how this man said so much with one word.
It was almost, as if he was the word.
"Come" was what her ears heard,
but what really made her heart pound was the meaning of it all,
the words clinging to this simple invitation.
"Come, join. Die, live. Suffer and rejoice. Give up and gain. Let go.
Love. Not as you measure, but as I."
So it was quite clear,
Entering the new chapter would include death.
Though looking at the mans smile,
she knew that not going would mean a much more dreadful death.
So yes, she did want to.

would I dare to turn the page?

She was at the end of the chapter.
Though it took a while to realize it.
She kept re-reading the last sentences, but not because she couldn’t understand them,
nor were they the kind of beautiful sentences one needs to read again,
but she was reading them to linger.
And then, as she came across to the empty page after those last words, it struck her.
The girl was definitely at the end of her chapter. And the thought disturbed her.

Then there was the man. He did indeed look quite young, but he had the hands of an old man.
You know, the kind of from which you see that they have worked. Gotten dirty.
They had been talking about the previous chapter for quite a lot. And still she didn’t quite know what to make of the man. Wise he was, that was for sure. Many times she had trouble to understand the things he was saying. But still, she was glad to hear him speak.
But now, awakening to the fact that the chapter was out, she found herself lacking of hearing.
Or was it lacking of listening? She didn’t quite know.

And she found herself in between.
Totally finished with her chapter.
Terrified to step in to the next.
She knew that there was nothing anymore for her in the previous pages.
But the coming pages, boy. It was a contradiction. One the other hand she so knew what was ahead, on the other the words and their meanings were in hiding.
But she didn’t want to stay there. Didn’t want to stay in this passive vacuum, lingering with the words she already knew. But the step just seemed so big. Like stepping on to something that you aren’t really sure is there.

And its not that the man was totally silent. He was waiting.
He didn’t actually have to say anything. Not out loud. Cause she heard the things anyway.
He was inviting, but not persuading. And that was the worst kind of inviting.
Cause there were no spoken words, nothing to argue about.
Nothing where she could answer with the greatest excuse.
Yes, he was definitely inviting her

views from my dear betlehem

one of my worst fears just came true

birds indoor are one of the worst things I know.

a couple of days ago a friend told me about a meeting she had with a little bird.
the bird didnt seem to be afraid of my friend at all. it just stood in her way.
and as my friend said to it: could you please move from my way, it actually did.
I wonder if we are originally created to somehow communicate with the creation as well.
who was it, st francis of assis who preached to animals?

well, anyways, I had quite an opposite encounter with a bird today.
I was sitting inside, the back door open.
and all of a sudden a small bird flew in, slapped against my back and started
to fly around my mums living room.
birds indoor are one of the worst things I know.
so I kind of panicked.
after few moments of being at the edge of hystery I opened the front door
and the guest flew out by itself.
afterwards I started to think, how in my panic I didnt even consider
asking the bird to just fly away :) who knows, maybe it would have done so.
anyways I was quite disappointed to myself
cause I acted totally from the state of being afraid of the bird.
How often that happens in situations.

I read the message few days ago, a psalm says
When all hell breaks loose,
Im collected and cool.

learning to more than survive

yes, this is a different kind of summer.
I dont know when would be the last time Ive felt so helpless.
but Ive realized that there is nothing like summer in finland.
rowing a boat by the lake, being still.

one day I was reading, and found these words from one wise man
(this is my own translation from the finnish verses. from james)

know that each of you should be sensitive to hear, but slow to speak and slow to anger,
for mans anger doesnt lead to the kind of justice God wants.

there is a lot said in it and it stirred alot in me, but one of the things was
that could here be something I could use at my work as well.

So I feel helpless.
wondering what is authority.
cause I know it has nothing to do with the volume of my voice.
how can I meet these people.
their hurts.

and you know, what Jesus answers everytime I ask him.

"love"

and I panic, how? how do I love them?

and he says
"love"

George said well once when we were in israel.
how we really shouldnt take things personal.
cause if its Jesus living in me, not me living,
how could I even take it personal?

so, when they yell, wish me to hell, and are rude,
I love.
and you can imagine how clueless I am in it.

but Im trusting that the clueless shall be blessed,
for they dont need to lean on their own understanding.